cheating death.

10:02:00 AM

Well, as some may know and many may not, January 12th was a lovely day for me. Sometime in 2009 I had a dream that I died on either January 11th 2011 or November 1st 2011 all I can remember concerning the date is that I was very frustrated that it wasn't straight 11/11/11 on my death certificate. Well when I originally had the dream I had it in my head that 2011 was so far away, that it was a non-issue. As we crept up on 2011 I felt a strange anxiety, I didn't feel like I was truly going to die (though I do have a strong history of my dreams becoming reality) but rather I wondered I thought, If I were truly going to die on this day, would I be happy with my life? I was pleasantly surprised to find that as January 11th rolled around as I neared that date, nothing in my life changed. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect but it was such a nice confirmation that the things I'm doing with my life are things I genuinely want to be doing. School, work, hobbies, quirks, all of them became a new definition of who I am. So as I neared the date nothing changed, I didn't feel the need to express my love to all around me, I simply hoped I had done a sufficient job before that time. I didn't write a will or skydive. I did things the way I had always done them.

On the day of January 11th I woke up and my first thought was 'if this were truly my last day to live, how would I want to spend it?' I had previously thought I wanted it to be extreme to be flamboyant and active. I was wrong. I showered, shaved my legs, ate a good breakfast and then laid back in bed listening to all my favorite songs, just in case. I went to school like any other day and later to work. I still joked with my family, I still read the books I had previously been reading, still checked the mail. More than anything I wanted a quiet simple day and it was oddly one of the most pleasant and lovely days I've had to date. Even with the overlying stress of what ifs. I felt alive, so very alive. I know everyone says 'live every day like its your last' but the truth? If your living your life in satisfactory way, fulfilling your contentment, everyday you live could be your last and at the end of it, when you discovered it was indeed the end, you would be genuinely pleased with the life you had lead and ready to slip away quietly. If we feel our lives are any other way, something needs to change. After all, we can't cheat death forever.

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