I Can Hardly Believe This

7:38:00 PM

I have always found birthday posts to be a bit vain, slightly unnecessary, and overly sentimental in ways that others mostly can't relate to. I vow now to try my best to not make this the case today. Today is just an ordinary day. That I just so happened to be born on nineteen years ago. I will admit that a part of me is saddened by this monumental day (I never seem to take aging well), but with the help of lovely family and friends...I just might make it (please pick up on my cyber-humor). My mom and I always say that every birthday is a trip around the sun. We've completed our full rotation around the sun. Thinking of that makes aging lovelier, earthier (not in the going-green sense, I despise this movement when made by non-earth-loving people who think that their purchasing of a certain shoe or a certain type of coffee will indeed save the world, it won't, and I find this obnoxious), yet this idea of a personal trip around the sun is very natural in the sense that all we've done is made our annual rotation and we're simply keeping track of it in a way that is more meticulous than is typical of humans. This sounds a lot less like age doesn't it? I like that. My age is a simple calculation of my rotations around the sun, and taking into account my love of the sun as seen in an earlier post, I love this. I'm sorry if I sound repetitious. I think that perhaps I am simply trying to convince myself I am okay with getting older. A task I'm working on. I know this seems like a silly fetish but I will admit I spent a fair amount of time last night crying because of my hesitance towards aging. Perhaps I am not so much afraid of the age as I am afraid of what accompanies age. Regardless, I am grateful for a family that makes me feel alive. And friendships that I cherish. Birthday always humble me, and even amongst my angst I feel great love, I recognize the beauty of my relationships, and I feel so grateful to the wonderful people I am so blessed to be with. I am so very blessed. Today, I am a queen.

P.s. Pictured above is a painting my mom got me for my birthday, done by my favorite painter Brian Kershisnik. Written above the woman's head are the words "I Can Hardly Believe This" My mom jokes/half wishes that someday a man will come along and sweep me off my feet, I'll lose my wit and my clever comments, my sass will dissolve and I'll go weak in the knees in his arms. This idea is a darling one. The caption above the woman's head easily capture what I'm sure my thoughts will be when this does indeed happen. What a lovely gift. Once again, I am so blessed.

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