8:01:00 PM

i've developed a keen eye for all the nearly chivalrous men, the absolutely horrendous men, and the truly gentlemen-men in the world we live in.

you may not know what i mean.
i understand.
you must know that i work at the mall.. a place where you never know what your going to get these descriptions are based from completely and solely work based experience. lets start from the bottom.

The horrendous, the terrifying, the lying-cheating-stealing-scumbag-pig-man:

Beware this man. This man who walks into an all-woman store, without a woman, without any intention of shopping for a woman, and directly to the counter and tells you he lost the number you never gave him. This man persists when you tell him no "how do i go from a no to a definitely?" you don't.

This man hits on pregnant women at the maternity store.

This man walks around the mall in nothing but a grass skirt.

This man goes from store to store harassing employees until we have to go to security.

This man claims one day to be shopping for his wife, who doesn't exist, and asks for your number the next, or perhaps she does exist. this makes it worse. This man is identifiable from a mile away, and must be avoided.

The Nearly Chivalrous Man:

The man who almost wants to open your door for you and instead gives it a strong push hoping it will stay open long enough for you to pass your little body through. Actually holding it open would be presumptuous and use too much precious energy.

Nearly chivalrous men tap their brakes when they see you're trying to cross the street but change their mind just before you begin to walk.

Nearly chivalrous men find a dress their wife would love, they nearly buy it, but decide against it due to the low funds in the beer bucket.

Nearly chivalrous men think of saying nice things, they want to be nice, they do. But those things never come out.

Want to walk you out to your car, until they realize how far you are parked from theirs.

True Gentlemen:

Offer to walk you out to your car when you have to stay late at work.

Stop their car in the middle of the road to tell you you've dropped the keys to your store.

See that you're having a rough time carrying the ladder. They not only carry the ladder for you but change all your lights, put up all your banners, and move all your mannequins.

Buy you bean burritos at Taco Bell when you forget your wallet.

Tell you when they think you look pretty.

Refrain from laughing when they catch you dancing and cartwheeling around the store when it opens.

Give you money to play in the photobooth after work

Take you gun shopping on your break cause they want to make sure you're safe.

Here's what I've realized: There are plenty of gentlemen...plenty. and i come across them daily at work. However, there is something required on the part of women to recognize and appreciate goodness, as well as to reject all of the men who are a bit less than par.
True gentlemen aren't as rare as many believe, you simply must have the ability to see past the pigs.

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  1. cute Mal! love reading your writing and it was a true treat seeing you the other night. it had better happen again soon.

  2. oh Kelsey, you are so sweet. it was so fun seeing you darling. I'll see you at the next reading if nothing else.

  3. So every true gentleman has to be wealthy enough to buy you burritos and give you money for the photobooth? Would if we can't afford those things. Burritos are like... 2 bucks, and the photobooth is like a dollar... What do you think we are, walking ATM's?

  4. Haha allow me to amend my speech a bit. I want a walking ATM -I'll name him gentleman - with at least 2 dollars on hand at any given moment, I'm a hungry gal, the end.