2:49:00 PM

Is it fair? Is it fair to love a person that you can never be with? I supposed never is not infinite in any way but is in actuality definite. It is not a space of time it is a destination, a place one reaches, it is a commitment not a time span. I will never love, I will never see, I will never be whole, I will never drink. It is a determined reply rather than a length. To say you will never love is not because you are incapable of loving, is not because love simply will not cross your path, but it is because you have decided against loving. If never were a timeframe it would be as long as forever, what would separate it then? Nothing can, this essential difference is what defines never as a decision rather than a curse. If something is “never” to happen it is because of human decision, if this decision stands, then never will be paired with a time frame of forever. It is the same as saying, as long as I live I will not do this thing, however the sound of ‘never’ is so much more definite, holds so much more water, is stable. We as humans love stable things those things that we can trust not to change if we are to say ‘never’ it is a decision we will stand by for a given time from. Yet the essence of never, like any other word, can be betrayed. If we decide against our own prior preconceived idea that never will become its opposite, it will become an action. Yet the opposite of never is not forever. Even the dictionary defines never as “not at all” or “absolutely not” yet it doesn’t denote a time frame. It denotes an action, or the lack thereof. Going back to my original statement then, perhaps we cannot sufficiently say we could “never” be with someone, for never is not a time frame. In reality, if we are doomed to not be with someone, it is simply because decisions we have made conflict, or perhaps it’s their decisions conflict, and this is what defines this “never” this not at all, this absolutely not, this no possible way to be with someone. All that we do is subject to human decision. My head hurts, which makes this the end. Perhaps never was created because it was the closest thing anyone could find contrary to forever. Because truly, there is no such thing as negative time, if something exists forever then that’s that and it can be defined as forever, eternal, always, etc. If something exists for a period we give it a time frame and call it good. But if something is labeled by the quality of never, the very fact that we acknowledge it with any term at all, even if the term is ‘never,’ is contradictory because never was created to be the antagonist of forever, and if we are acknowledging something’s never quality it means it is indeed existent. Nothing that is in current existent can be defined by the word never. Never therefore takes on a strange quality of decisiveness.

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  1. eternity is not a length of time, but a state of being.