2:34:00 PM

The words of an extremely wise woman, who also happens to be my mother, cling to the silver lining in my brain, taunting what it believes its discovered. These words dangles on a string over every thought and each action. "If you had told me when I was your age that all these things would happen to me in my lifetime, I would have laughed, I wouldn't believe you." My original response to these words? This won't be me, I know where my life will go. The truth? I have no idea. I now not only acknowledge that I have no idea concerning the things that will happen to me, the people that will come into my life, the tragedies that will befall me, the failures I will experience, I embrace it. It is a beautiful idea, the idea that at this very moment, I am oblivious. All I have is this moment, that is the only guarantee, so we must love it. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen to me in the next year, the next week, even the next hour. All I know is what I intend to do, what I plan to do and what I desire to do. The reality of what actually ends up happening is in many ways, beyond my control. Example? Say I want more than anything to Nanny for a family in...New York. I apply for the job, I do everything in my power to get the job. Do I have control over the result? Not at all. Our decisions are subject to human frailty, agency, and predispositions. Can anyone be truly objective? No, because they are alive and the very essence of life is biased. This attitude is not one of defeat but of beauty and reality. We must never give up, we must always press forward, but we cannot think that our life is completely our own. I could live to the age of one hundred and three and gradually slip away from existence or I could be hit and killed by a drunk driver next week, an abrupt interruption to the routine of life. When we realize that our life is beyond our human capacity, that we cannot control every facet of our existence, a piece of us is liberated; we can press forward boldly, knowing what we want, and waiting for what we'll get, never, never knowing what the reality will be. We must live in a state of constant fascination. Ever marveling, and constantly loving. Allowing our spirit to be free and self governing, ever welcome to whatever hand the world deals us, and determined to make the best of those things that we cannot change.

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  1. I love you. I want you to write my thought biography...wait, you already are. :)

    I want to nanny in New York. SO BAD.