insomnia. extinction of simplicity.11:19:00 PM
I have a problem, a problem with sleeping. It may be in part to the wretched dreams I have, or the incessant thoughts that plague my ability to simply surrender to deadly sleep, be it one thing or the other, I do not sleep. For the past week I have not in bed before 3 am once. I have typically been awake until 4, sometimes 5 am. I must add that it is not because I stayed out late, because I was busy but rather the insomnia has stricken me at times when I tried to be in bed by 11 or 12, times that I genuinely need to sleep. What fills my non-sleeping time you may ask? Well I can't simply lay in bed, I am much too restless. So a few nights ago I spent over 2 hours cleaning my house; doing dishes, scrubbing pots and pans, cleaning every single bathroom, emptying every trash can, refraining from the noise of vacuuming, until I eventually crashed a little past 4. Last night, in my own quiet existence I watched 3 movies finally falling asleep at 5 am only to wake up 3 hours later at 8 o clock. In between and during the movies I simply sat, simply thought, simply wondered. And I realized that nothing is simple anymore.